Nathan,
This is your second father’s day in Heaven and it’s still so surreal. Grieving your loss was hard but grieving it for our children assed a larger layer.
You loved Sawyer as your own and you were the first man Aria-Lyn ever loved. It may seem so strange to the latter since you were around her for such a short time, but given her body’s physical reaction and also the colic that set in almost immediately after you died, it’s obvious. To me, to friends, and even to her doctor. You were such an involved dad and in the two short years with Sawyer and the even shorter month with Aria, you created so many memories with them and even though she may never remember there are so many photos to show her and even more people to share stories of your love for her, with her. Especially her brother, he already tells her about you.
Some days are harder than others, many involve me thinking about what you have missed out on and will continue to. In those moments I try to remember that you continue to go through life with us, just in a different way. Just looking at Aria is a reminder that you will always be one of the best parts of our family.
Most people say Aria-Lyn is your spitting image and other than the eyes and the red in her dirty blonde hair, I agree , but then there are the people that never got to meet you that say She looks like me. I smile and shrug and tell them that they’d change their mind if they saw you.
You’d be so proud of both of them. They argue and are mean to each other all the time but Sawyer is Aria’s fiercest protector just the same. She’s finally getting the courage to walk. It’s a soul process particularly since she got so sick. She’s such a happy baby, a lover, wild, daring like you, no fear. Her giggle is one of the sweetest sounds in this world. She points to your photos and smiles and says dada. Don’t worry she knows who you are and she always will.
Sawyer played t-ball. He hated it and insisted it was fake baseball because he had to use a tee instead of it being thrown. He only liked going to games to get an “atorgator” he still loves to ride his bike and go to bmx though with school and baseball he didn’t go as much this year. He talks about you EVERY time he rides. Actually, he still talks about you all the time and still sleeps with Nate the lion. Aria sleeps with her pink giraffe. He says it makes him feel closer to you. He sleeps with his blanket made of your shirts and your pillow too. For the same reason and I hope one day Aria will feel the same about her stuffy and blanket.
You were the best dad, I hope you know that now. They were so blessed to have you for the time they did even though it needed and should have been longer. We love you. We miss you. Forever. Happy Father’s Day
