You should have been here to share in the joy of our daughter’s second birthday but you’re not. You’ve missed this and so many other things and right now.... right now it’s too painful to address this as evidenced by my lapse in entries so instead I’ll share with you the letter I wrote to her. Our sweet wild baby.
“My darling Aria-Lyn,
Happy birthday, baby girl! Can I even say that anymore? After all two is hardly a baby…no, it’s official: my baby is no longer a baby. And, while part of me is grieving that you’re no longer the tiny infant you used to be, the whole of me is excited for who you are now and who you are becoming.
This has been a year of incredible growth and change for you. This week I was looking back at some photos of you from this past year and I couldn’t believe how much you have grown in 12 short months.
You went from being a tiny, sickly (but still so beautiful) baby who was just learning how to crawl (and by crawl, I mean that adorable little scoot that you used to do!) to a bright-eyed toddler in who quite literally never sits still, running after her brother with her pigtails bobbing. You went from tasting your first mashed-up foods and absolutely hating them to out-eating what your dad used to eat at most meals which is really saying something, because boy could he eat!
Every day I look at you I see a bit more of the girl you are becoming, and it’s beautiful.
Your personality has grown with you this year, too. You are incredibly caring and loving when you want to be, whether he is sad or hurt, you have a tender compassion for your brother, though admittedly as much as you love each other you fight enough you make me want to rip my hair out.
Speaking of fight, a few weeks shy of this day, it happened. You reached the terrible twos, and suddenly everything was even more dramatic than before. I wouldn’t have thought it possible because you’ve always been a vocal, spirited girl, but you have become even more vocal. More spirited. More stubborn. More independent. More loving. More emphatic. And you can throw quite the fit and you do. Often. Little miss think she’s in charge. A wild woman with more sass than most people can handle.
As challenging as your temperament is and will continue to be for me and my constant quest to teach and discipline appropriately and in a way that still shows you love, i am actually very happy that you are your own little person even at this young age. You know what you want, even if you don’t yet know what you need, but that’s a struggle even for adults sometimes, and once you know what you want you are not easily deterred. That won’t be a bad thing as you get older.
You can definitely hold your own and all I can say is, good luck to anyone who messes with you! Between your over-protective older brother–and your ability to take down a full-grown adult with your tackles, nobody should ever give you any trouble! I’m also pretty sure that you’re not going to be allowed to date until you’re in your 30’s, but we can have that conversation later.
You are finally walking and catching up in all the areas there has been struggles due to health issues and the complications that a baby suffers after losing a parent.
You have overcome so much and I can’t even imagine what adventures still lie ahead, but I am so excited to watch because this year, your third year of life, will bring so many new opportunities and growth. This year will bring preschool (WHAT?!), potty training....which means we will officially be a diaper-free household–sweet Jesus, pinch me is this is real? I am a little terrified for the latter because as easy as potty training your brother was I think you will be a struggle. This third year will bring our first multi-word conversations, travels, and so much more.
Please remember that as you grow, there will be people along the way who will try to tell you that what you want to accomplish is impossible. That you are not good enough, that you are not strong enough, that you are not enough. I hope you stay as pure as you are now, to know what you want and go after it regardless of the naysayers. You can do away with the tantrums, but please stick to your guns and keep that determined nature. It will serve you well in life. And always remember you are enough. You are strong. You are brave. You are beautiful. You are loved and you always have a safe place with me to land.
Nurture your loving side, too. You can never give too much love to the people close to you. You can never tell them you love them too many times. Be free with your kindness, with your smiles and laughs.
Remember, when you get hurt you gotta “shake it off, shake it off....cause haters gonna hate hate hate”. This applies to more than just a booboo on your knee. You’ll see.
Aria-Lyn, I just can’t wait! Life with you is so exciting albeit also exhausting!
Thinking back on how far you’ve come in two short years, I can’t help but be amazed. It feels like just yesterday we were welcoming you into the world, and yet simultaneously it feels like you’ve always been a part of our lives. And maybe that’s true. Maybe a piece of my heart has always belonged to you, even before you were born–it just wasn’t until I met you that I knew who that piece belonged to or even recognized it was there.
My heart belongs to you and your brother, yes you must share and I hope you always know how much joy, how much light, laughter, and love you bring to our family. I still can’t believe that you’re mine. Happy birthday, baby girl (and as I tell sawyer, you’ll always be my baby). Two down, and many more to go.
I truly believe you are destined for greatness. Don’t forget to be graceful and gracious in all your successes and failures. We love you so much.
Happy birthday.
Love,
Mommy.”
I love you, Nathan James. So do the kids and we miss you so so much.
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