You weren't just a step dad...

Nathan James

We went to a friend's yard sale to buy their crib for Aria and some how also ended up with a pink strider bike for Sawyer. You told me you could paint it to match his uniform. I was skeptical, you were excited. You went to the store an eagerly purchased numbers and paint before finally heading to work, letting me know you were going to start making it just right when you got home. I just laughed. I still wasn't convinced. I should have known you could do it, you were a man of many talents and never ceased to amaze me. Still, this I had to see to believe.

That night, you didn't know this, but I watched you from the back window. I watched you sand and paint the frame with a huge smile on your face, taking great care to ensure you did it just right. It had to be awesome for such an awesome little boy, is what you had told me earlier in the evening. I think the smile may have been because you'd be able to say I told you so later. I also think it was because you took great pride in our children and especially in teaching Sawyer about something you also loved.

You never believed it, but you were an amazing daddy. You met Cory at the bike store without me and you did it without any complaint and when I asked if it had been awful you said no because it wasn't about you or him, it was about Sawyer. If that weren't enough to prove my point, you also wore a Team Nutt shirt proudly, it takes a strong and amazing man to wear another man's name. Especially when that man had dated the girl you insisted you'd loved since high school. I don't know if that were true but I know you sure loved me in that moment.

However, it was the small moments when you didn't think I was paying attention where your love really shone. When you rolled in the grass and played in the dirt. When you went down the slide 100 times and let him drink over half your milkshake without getting upset. When you'd play cars after work even though you really just wanted to shower and relax. The way you bought him fish after he was officially potty trained. When you'd hold him after a nightmare and let him sleep with his head on your chest and how you always made sure to kiss him in the morning before work and call him on your lunch break. How you worked a painstaking amount to ensure we got to have an amazing family vacation. And more than that how you took time to patiently teach him new things, which included peeing on a tree much to my dismay and how even in your discipline you were both steadfast and kind making sure that he knew you loved him even when he was misbehaving.

In truth, although you always corrected people whom asked you if you were excited to be a dad, by telling them you were already a dad but that you were so excited to have a girl, my biggest fear was always that you might favor Aria unintentionally. You never did though. From the moment I allowed you into Sawyer's life you never looked at him as anything but your son, you loved him as if he were your own flesh and blood and you made sure your family did too. You were never just a step parent. You were a daddy. For that I am so grateful. He misses you tremendously but he was blessed to call you daddy nathan for as long as he did and I will make sure he knows how much you adored him.

By the way, Caleb finished the bike for you. It looks amazing. I think you'd be so pleased.

We love you. Forever.

Always,

Jess